There must be something positive about the infertility of Turner's Syndrome

Okay, so I managed to think of something.  If I don't want to have a period, I don't have to.  I can skip my OCP and go without a period, or shift the timing of my period.  (If you can call it a period.  Technically isn't it more of a withdrawal bleed, nothing more than chemically-induced shedding of the lining?)  The cost is more hot flushes than I can count, but at least for once, I can be in control of my body.  My body prevented me from becoming a professional ballerina and it has prevented me from becoming a mother.  At least I deserve the option of controlling this one small thing.

I know it's silly, but taking the OCP bothers me sometimes.  I feel like a fake, like I'm just imitating what everyone else does naturally.  It's ridiculous.  I have no problem taking levothyroxine to compensate for Hashimoto's thyroiditis.  I have no problem taking losartan to treat my hypertension.  But why must I take birth control pills for my hormone replacement, when more than anything else in the world I want a baby?

Again, trying to be positive.  Let's see with what we can come up.

1. Something I never realized bothered me until recently was that, from an evolutionary standpoint, I have no reason to exist.  BUT -- when God created the universe, He didn't make any mistakes, right?  So I must have a purpose.  I have a reason to be here.

2. Pursuing surrogacy is meaningful in ways a regular pregnancy can never be.  Other couples celebrate only a pregnancy and the birth of a baby.  We celebrate we we find an egg donor, when we find a surrogate, when we sign a contract, when they implant the embryos, we we find out we are pregnant, and at the birth of a baby.  And if we celebrate so many times before a baby is even created, how much greater can our joy be when we eventually get a baby or babies.

3. There are so many people cheering in my corner.

4. If this many people tell me I am maternal, maybe I am, and if so -- there must be a reason.

5. Think of the guilt trips if I even have children -- "You cost more than our house before you were even born!"

...and here we go again.

Time to ride another emotional roller coaster!  We signed our contract with N, the new potential surrogate.  She will start medication on Sunday.  Keep your fingers crossed for a successful FET (frozen embryo transfer) next month!