Sunday, March 17, 2013

And to top it off: your daily dose of irony

This letter came for me in the mail this week.  I can't post the letter because of course it has my true name, but here is the transcription:

Dear _____:

Birth control is not one size fits all.  Long-acting reversible contraception is becoming increasingly popular among women seeking a reliable and highly effective method.  MOre women are opting for long-acting birth control such as intrauterine devices (IUDs) and progestin implants.

Both of these forms of contraception have proved more than 99 percent effective ant preventing unintended pregnancy for as long as you want -- from three to 10 years, depending on the type.  The insertion of these devices is a simple procedure that is provided in our office by our specially trained physician.

The family physicians of ________________ are dedicated to helping you fid the birth control method that is right for you.  Our experienced clinicians provide women with a variety of contraception choices, including:

  • The copper and progestin IUD
  • The progestin implant
  • Birth control pill, patch or ring
  • Injectable contraceptives
  • Diaphragm fittings
No birth control option is right for everyone.  Call _________ today to make an appointment to discuss your contraception options and receive a free makeup bag.

My question: can I still get the makeup bag?

Maybe I should write them back:

Dear _____,

I appreciate your offer to assist me with my family planning.  I actually decided none of your methods was effective enough, so I chose to be born with an even more certain birth-control method: the have-only-one-fatty-streak-ovary method.  It works so well I can't even get a gestational carrier using a donor-egg embryo to produce a live baby!  So I just can't rely on your leave-it-to-chance medical interventions.  I do appreciate the offer and your reminder of my infertility, though.  Until I opened your letter I hadn't thought about infertility for HOURS!  It was quite kind of you.

Oh, and one tip: if diaphragms worked well, I wouldn't exist.  Ask my mother.


  1. HA! I loved the last part especially :)

  2. haha oh joy. nothing like a little friendly reminder that we cant even get pregnant on purpose with tens of thousands of dollars of modern medicine, let alone by accident!