A good news update, a maths interlude, and the confessions of a worrywart

I'm late to announce some exciting updates, but it's been a very busy.  I'm even sure what day it is, actually. Yesterday I had orientation for my new rotation, drove forty-five minutes to present a poster at a conference (but also had the chance to meet up with one of my favorite professors from undergrad), came back from the conference for family dinner, and worked a midnight shift.  I have another midnight shift tonight, so I've been sleeping off and on today, with a little television interspersed.  Kudos to Husband for a delicious lunch :o)

But enough beating around the bush.  We have good news!  Firstly, Husband got a job!!!  It's a great opportunity and we are thrilled.  He can even continue his master's classes.  Secondly, the surrogacy contracts are signed, sealed, and delivered!  Medications are on their way to the donor and the surrogate and the check for the surrogate's expenses is deposited in the escrow account.  We're hoping for implantation between May 6-11.  All that's left is purchasing the surrogate's maternity coverage.  I've never applied for health insurance before for myself, let alone someone else.  Hopefully it's not too complicated!

Let's break briefly for a maths lesson.  If we implant two embryos (our plan), using a 50% success rate per embryo and assuming each embryo is unaffected by the other, we have a 75% chance that at least one will take.  But 30% of pregnancies end in spontaneous abortions.  I'm hoping the risk diminishes since the doctors usually try to pick the "best looking" embryos for implantation.  But it's beyond anyone's control what happens after implantation, except for God, of course.  Hopefully He will be  generous.

Now that motherhood seems like a (faint) possibility, I'm nervous.  What if I don't have the stamina to care for children?  I used to run six miles a day, five to six days a week.  But since a bad bout of bronchitis in September I haven't regained my energy.  I come home from the hospital exhausted and wanting only to sleep.  Even making rounds (when students and residents present patients to the Attending) wipes me out.  If we are blessed with children next February, I'll be six months into an internship front-loaded with difficult rotations.  How will I care for children if I'm even more tired than now?  In answer to certain people I do eat plenty (too much).  I'm sure this is nothing serious but I hope my energy returns before Baby (babies?) come.

And then I worry about something else.  While I always thought I was strong physically, I am the first to admit to being an emotional wimp who flies off the handle far too easily.  I can't do that with children!  I have to learn to keep my wits about me so that I can be a responsible parent.  Hope I'm able!

And one last, unrelated thing.  I am SO NOT READY for internship!  I just can't seem to put a case together the way a senior medical student should, and it is concerning.  I wouldn't graduate me right now (or at the end of May).  Let's just hope tonight goes better than last night, where I couldn't think clinically to save my life.

And on that note...time to nap so that I am fresh for tonight's patients.  Goodnight and good week!