Okay, I'll admit it. The suspense is driving me insane. I haven't been able to write more than a paragraph of my short story. I refresh my inbox incessantly to see if maybe, just maybe, Surrogate emailed me with news. When I saw that she emailed us yesterday I held my breath -- maybe, just maybe, she'd gotten an early positive result? But no, she was just asking us to send a picture. (See previous email.) I can't focus on anything today. I just visited several websites about surviving the two-week wait. Except, they were all written for women who are supposed to carry the baby/babies themselves. All the advice about taking early pregnancy symptoms with a grain of salt doesn't apply to me. All I can do is wait for email. I can't even call Surrogate because we're in Israel. That's probably a good thing. I can see myself calling daily asking if she "felt" pregnant, and if she'd taken a test yet today. I know from my one home pregnancy test that ideally it should be a first void (ie first urine of the morning). So since it's now 8:30am her time, I'm guess she's already used the bathroom at least once. And she hasn't emailed me.
But maybe she slept in today? And maybe she hasn't taken a pregnancy test yet? Or maybe she just hasn't gotten to her email yet today? And yes, I know full well that it's too early to know. But the waiting is driving me crazy? It's the only thing on my mind. I wish that just willing her to be pregnant would make it happen.
I wish I had advice for Intended Parents trying to survive the wait. I haven't made it through yet. Anyway, the day 11 bloodwork won't be until next week. So even if she doesn't turn positive, there is a small flicker of hope until then. The only thing I can extrapolate from the websites I visited is that it helps to keep occupied. Good luck.
But that's the problem. I don't want to hope. Hoping hasn't helped thus far. It's when my hopes are highest that things go badly. And that's what scares me. I have too many visions of getting an email, of calling my grandmother and Mama, of telling people that IT WORKED! And I am afraid those positive thoughts will lead to nothing.
Worst case scenario: The implantation doesn't take. We have to tell people and accept their condolences. Then we wait another month. Our contract covers four IVF cycles. So if this one failed, we move on to June. And if that one fails, we try for July. And then August.
Statistically speaking, four cycles should lead to a pregnancy. I don't know what we will do if not. Adopt, I guess. If I can convince Husband. We chose surrogacy because he wants to have a biological child. Who wouldn't, given the option? But if that doesn't work...I am not ready to give up the idea of becoming a mother.
But for now, we wait...
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