If I can't have babies now at least maybe when I die my Heaven will have babies. I will have four babies or as many as I want. I won't have to wait for them and worry that they won't survive gestation beacause in Heaven every baby is born healthy and happy. They will be sweet, good, beautiful children. The eldest I will call Nessa, from the word for miracle. My second I will name Gila, from the word for joy. My third will call Rina, from another word for joy. And the youngest? She shall be Liora, my light. With each child we will have joyous celebrations welcoming their arrival: all sorts of sweets -- knafe, different ladoos, seven-layer cake, home-baked Tzvia cake, name cakes (of course!) and brownies, and special date cookies, and komish cookies, and strudel, and there will be klezmer music in the background, and everyone will given the new baby a blessing -- not in a religious way but in a fairy-tale way. And the children will be endowed with all those blessings because after all, this is Heaven we're discussing. And because it's Heaven I will be able to control time. I can mother newborns if I want, or take them by the hand to their first day of school, or go back and watch them take first steps, or fast forward and watch them graduate medical school. I will be able to enjoy first words over and over, and the heartache will end.
Maybe this way I can tell myself motherhood WILL happen -- only later. And Heaven lasts a lot longer than life, so really I should consider myself lucky.