Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Struggling with envy

I don't get it.  I have so many wonderful blessings, and my life is filled with such wonderful family and friends.  So why can't I be happy with my portion?  Instead I envy my fertile friends.  When they tell me they're expecting I wish them an easy pregnancy and a quick delivery and a healthy baby.

But inside -- I have a five year old kicking and screaming and throwing a temper tantrum  "Not fair!"

How come I can't learn to appreciate what I've got?

And also I wonder what will happen to my friendships.  All of my married friends but S and D will become parents over the next six months.  Their lives will change completely and what will we have in common?  Everyone will be focused on his or her baby.

I will be watching from the window.

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