Chag Chanukah Sameach, update, and not going to lie -- sometimes I am just plain jealous.

Happy Chanukah everyone!  While actually a minor holiday, it is definitely top of the "fun" list.  No crazy rules/regulations other than playing with fire for eight nights :o) and eating fried food.  Specifically, potato latkes and sufganiyot (aka jelly doughnuts -- or if you're like me, dolce de leche filled :o)  As my baby cousin says, "delicious!"  I agree.

Still, first on my mind is Operation Baby.  We met with the new potential surrogate, "N."  She's lovely and we had a great time getting to know her.  Chicago would actually have been a lot of fun too, except Husband was tired and cross and stressed about everything so he started telling me he hated me and that I make his life miserable.  That part was not lovely.  I held my tongue and let him vent because I know he gets like this every time we travel to do something Operation Baby-related.  But I wish he didn't take out his frustration on me.  It hurts.  At least I don't *think* he means it.  But what if he does?  What if I really am a horrible wife and he would be better off without me?  At least without me he could find somebody who would give him children.

We should find out within a week whether or not N's bloodwork came back okay.  Even if it did, I still don't expect to end up with a baby.  I don't even want to hope.  Hope is a painful, stabbing hurt and I refuse to get snared in that mousetrap again.

And in other lovely news, my new pt admitted by night float is a G8P4 who doesn't even want the baby who took up residence in her uterus 5wks6days ago.  And who may be skin-popping.  And who has hydromorphone-dependence issues.  I know I should be counting my blessings, but sometimes I struggle.

At least I was able to wish my friend C congratulations on the birth of her (second!) baby boy.