Hello everyone,
Hope you are all doing well. Things are looking pretty good for us. Surrogate just had a 34-week appointment (technically today is 34wks2days) and Little One has chubby cheeks, is vertex position (i.e. head down just like it should be), has plenty of amniotic fluid, and is practicing breathing! I just hope things continue to go well. I still worry every single day.
But now I have a new worry, for which I ask your advice, dear readers. (If you aren't, Jewish, apologies for a rather long question below using terms you might not know.)
As Judaism is matrilineal, this Little One will need to be converted to Judaism. And without getting into a very complicated discussion on religious politics, suffice it to say she needs an Orthodox conversion to be fully accepted as Jewish in all circles. This may seem unimportant. But try getting married in Israel without being Jewish by Orthodox standards. And here in the States, too -- depending who she might one day want to marry, this could be a Big Deal.
One might think it then becomes simple: just get an Orthodox conversion and drop her in a mikveh (ritual bath). Except the vaad harabbonim (council of rabbis) will not perform an Orthodox conversion unless the parents promise to raise the child in an Orthodox home. And I am masorti, meaning Conservative. I don't cover my hair, and while I dress relatively modestly, I do wear (appropriate length) shorts and I do wear pants. And I use electricity on Shabbat although I won't shop and I don't intend to work once I finish fellowship. And I keep kosher but I put things in the dishwasher (different sides) together. And I plan to send my daughter to a Solomon Shechter Day School, not Akiva (the Orthodox school). Actually, if you really want to know it's not keeping Shabbat or anything
What's a mother-to-be to do? Dear readers, anyone out there with experience having a child converted to Judaism? Anyone who wasn't frum succeed in arranging an Orthodox conversion? And anyone reading from Israel (if there is someone), is it any easier through the giyur office? We will visit, G-d willing, when the child is 6 months old for about two weeks.
And one last question: if I take the baby to the mikveh, I assume I cannot be nidah? So I'd need to adjust my cycle?
It just stinks that this same child would be unquestionably Jewish if I bore her myself. I love being Jewish. But sometimes -- it REALLY gets frustrating.
Wow 34 weeks so exciting!! Good look with the conversion! Hope you find a solution soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kim! We are definitely nervous and excited -- looking at flights!!! Thanks for your good luck wishes.
DeleteI have had the same questions myself. Is it diffrent if I give birth to non Jewish babies? Using egg donor of unnown religin.
ReplyDeleteHi! I didn't know you have a blog! Is that your baby girl in the pictures on the sidebar? I remembered you had a successful transfer but wasn't sure what happened next. Hoping it was a wonderful happy outcome. I think it depends on your religiosity. If the baby popped out of you, nobody needs to know it wasn't your own genetics. It would be up to you whether or not you felt he/she needed a conversion. Most Orthodox rabbis would say yes, most Reform rabbis would say not no, and Conservative? Not sure. For us it will be obvious the baby didn't come out of me, and thus we're stuck.
DeleteSorry my phone keeps acting up!!! I had 2 beautiful baby girls 7 months ago. Sophie and Mikayla are there names!!! I am so excited you are so ready to be a mommy at last!!! If you want to see pictures my name on db is Gabrielle Lasko or email me at pebblesnj29@yahoo.com and I'll send you some. They are so cute!!!
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ReplyDeleteI have PCOS and I know how it feels. I've been in treatment for years. Unfortunately it brought zero result. I'm currently pregnant with twins from donor egg. I should say now I have no feeling my babies are not mine genetically. To be honest I had some doubts. I didn't know how I feel about the procedure... I thought maybe I should wait and try something else and it will help me to get pregnant. But we'd found out that the likelihood of having our own children was practically zero. So ivf with donor egg was our last and only one option. I have a very 'modern' family with step parents/brothers/sisters, half siblings and step nieces and nephews etc. Genetics really means nothing to me. People who raise and love you are your true family. In the beginning my dh wasn't fully on board. We had some very serious arguments about the procedure. But when he found out I was pregnant everything in him changed! The babies I'm carrying are our children and will always be ours. It's such a hard decision to make, I know. Only you will ever know if it's right for you or not as it's not right for some people. I look at it like at usual treatment of infertility. Doctors just help you a little bit. And then you carry/ give birth/ raise - do what usual parents do. We still haven't decided whether or not we'll ever tell the babies about the donor. But we're definitely not telling anyone else how we came to be pregnant. It's only our business. I don't see something super special in it so everyone should know. These babies are mine. I really feel it and I don't make myself to do so)
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