I guess I'm doing better than on Friday and Saturday, but I'm still so sad and bitter and hopeless. I don't think I really knew what psychomotor retardation was until every step became a physical struggle, and lifting my feet? Forget it.

Isn't this ridiculous? I have such a wonderful family and so many wonderful friends, and I have a wonderful career just starting out, and I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. Why do I feel like curling up in a ball with my childhood security blanket and crying?

We did find out the baby would have been a boy. I haven't heard about the genetic testing yet.

I also spoke with the surrogacy agency and they don't have anyone available currently. I must learn to be patient. Considering I am NOT a patient person, this is a challenge.

People keep telling me I will get my happy ending, but I just don't believe it right now. I will go ahead whenever they find a new surrogate (or even two!) but I honestly don't want to get my hopes up ever again. It hurts to much.

But, dear reader, you probably have no interest in my self-centered sob story. After all, there was just an earthquake on the East Coast and I just heard something about a hurricane on CNN, and there are people going hungry and without a home every day.

So why can't I put this in perspective???