In Which our heroine learns to bury heartache deep inside in order to care for a patient, then learns flexibility in scheduling

It is possible. Even when the heartache is so great that you spend a part of each day curled up with your childhood security blanket staring sideways out your bedroom window at the trees, too sad even to cry (there is such a thing), you can compress the heartache into something small, bury it deep, and do what must be done.

I wasn't sure I could do that until today.

But I can. I did. My first patient of the day was a pregnant woman, 30 weeks along, with three other children at home. She may be induced early for polyhydramnios but still has a good shot at a healthy baby. And it's a boy. I was tempted to ask that someone else take the patient but I didn't let myself. I saw her, took her history and examined her, felt that baby's head and saw hr excitement. I presented the patient to Dr. B_____ without showing a hint of my inner feelings. I didn't even cry afterward although I was definitely in a funny emotional state all day.

Okay, no crying may be because there was no time -- I was pulled from my carefully-requested Hematology Consults elective to fill an open intern spot at the VA on general medicine floors. To be accurate, Mama requested that I be the intern pulled because the senior on the team with an open spot is supposed to be wonderful. I was not geared up for a floor month and I've never been good with change, but I know I'll learn a lot and a good senior can make ALL the difference. And a front-loaded schedule is a blessing.

One piece of advice if you know someone who just miscarried. Especially if it's your daughter, and she can't have children, and she can't even carry them. Don't say to her "It's just a miscarriage." That hurts.

Anyway, I just you to know, dear reader, that you can be horribly sad and still find a way to function. Time moves on. When you are about to lose it, take a deep breath and tell yourself you have full permission to lose it as soon as you get home. You get to have your emotional outburst, it just needs to wait. You can make it through many a day like that.