Tuesday, December 11, 2012

In Which Our so-called Heroine is Confused. And also invites the input/mentoring of anyone in general medicine or infectious diseases.

Very confused.

I am about to be 50% done with my residency.  I don't know how time passed so quickly and so slowly.  I also don't know what I want to do after I finish.  That, dear readers, is the challenge.  I love general medicine.  It intimidates me a bit in that one must know everything.  But I like everything, and I l like the variability.  At the same time I am a meticulous, inefficient physician who fails ridiculously at multitasking.

My mentor/internist suggests I make lists of pros/cons for each option and talk to people in the different fields I am considering.  As usual, she is right.  IF YOU ARE OUT THERE AND YOU ARE A GENERAL INTERNIST OR AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE SPECIALIST, YOUR INPUT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!

And then there is the other issue -- that I highly doubt I will ever be a mother, but if I were, I'd want to work part time.  Yet what point is there in crafting a career that allows me to work part-time when there is almost no chance of needing it?

I'm not even sure how to proceed with Operation Infutility.  Husband is not showing signs of wanting to move forward.  I, on the other hand, am not ready to give up.  I need children!  My dearest, best friend is still offering her ova and she is now married long enough that they should let her.  On the other hand, she doesn't have proven fertility.  But I think it's worth a try.  I could always find an anonymous donor at the same time.  It's just that Husband isn't currently interested in trying.  I don't understand.  I know there are lots of people out there who have meaningful, complete, happy lives without children.  But I am not one of them.  I dreamed about having babies from the time I was not much more than a baby myself.  I am happiest when I have a little one in my arms, when I get to nurture.  I am not ready to give up yet.  Because personally, if I can't have children I would rather overdose on all the potassium in my medicine cabinet, and all the antihypertensives, and all the NSAIDS.  Dramatic?  Yes.  But true.  I do not want to live a childless life.

Oh, one other little tidbit.  I got to care for a young woman with Turner's Syndrome the other day!  I am not alone, and I can make a positive impact on her.  I hope she choses to follow up in my clinic.

Have a good night, everyone, and Chag Chanukkah Sameach!

1 comment:

  1. I have a optamistic personality and saying that I would jump in head first and take your friend up on the offer!!! Just take the leap hubby will come around eventually he is just upset for you and himself that is failed again. Guys try and hide there pain but if you look it is there right along with yours!!! Never Give Up!!!